I Know
by BlueRain
Summary: A MerylxVash songfic with lyrics from Verticle Horizon


I Know

I Know

Lyrics from "He's Everything You Want"by Vertical Horizon 

_"Somewhere there's speaking_

_It's already coming in_

_Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind_

_You never could get it_

_Unless you were fed it_

_Now you're here and you don't know why."_

I could hear them down in his room.I mean, I wasn't eavesdropping, but they were loud enough to make themselves be hear, and so I listened.They were drinking, joking, and having a good time.They did this near every night, never once asking me.I kept asking myself why the hell I was here anyway, and frankly, I couldn't come up with a good enough excuse.As my mind was wandering, I began to fiddle with the buttons on my pajama top.I sighed.Well, he'll never unbutton this.I blinked.

"What the Hell am I thinking!?!"I screamed aloud.The laughing ceased.

"But under skinned knees and the skid marks

_Past the places where you used to learn_

_You howl and listen_

_Listen and wait for the_

_Echoes of angels who won't return."_

I froze.I didn't mean to scream that out loud.Great, fucked another thing up, like usual.Like I missed that damn promotion at the Insurance agency...and that other time.Why do I keep reminding myself of that other time?I think that sometimes I like to cause myself emotional pain; maybe it just helps relieve the things going on inside my head.Loving him was the personification of emotional torture.That bastard.After all those times we made love in the moonlight.Total bull.However, like most girls that are attached after such intimate relations, I stuck around after he left town, thinking he'd come back.Like hell he did.

_ _

_"He's everything you want_

_He's everything you need_

_He's everything inside of you_

_That you wish you could be_

He says all the right things

_At exactly the right time_

_But he means nothing to you_

_And you don't know why."_

I'm not going to think about that anymore.The laughter had once again resumed and the air in my room was becoming a bit brisk.Drizzle began to patter small splotches onto the warped wooden floor.Well, I had better go shut the window.The cold floorboards struck my feet like icebergs.Shutting the window didn't help much.When traveling around a lot, you usually get the cheapest places that tend to have gaps and mice in them.Oh well, I don't mind much.Milly usually carries an extra blanket.It started to rain harder.

"Oh look.Vash-san's coat is on the line."I murmured to myself.Well, I had better go get it before it gets any more drenched then it already is.

I clomped down the stairs ruggedly, but softened my step when passing their room.I mean, you never want to interrupt anything, you know?I opened the creaky door and stepped outside.The cold drizzle felt good on my face as my feet splashed in the muddy puddles.It almost never rains on this desert-like planet, but I always love when it does.Milly and I usually try to catch raindrops on our tongue when no one's looking.

I gently picked off Vash-san's coat from the line.It was heavy with precipitation and very cumbersome to hold.Unconsciously I began to stroke it softly, smelling the warm fragrance generally associated with men.Not only their fragrance, but his.He had the best smell in the world.When he hugs me, he smells like a thousand spring rains gently pattering on my soul.

I'm sure I must look like a spectacle, standing out here in the rain in my pajamas and holding a large coat.My dark hair plastered to my face while small water droplets made their way down the length of my short hair.

"Hey Insurance girl!!"

Great.He saw me.Him of all people in the world!Why?!?

"Come on inside outta the rain fore you catch a chill."

Now I did feel stupid.He always manages to say those perfect things at the perfect time.Well, maybe they're not so perfect, but you get what I'm saying.He had this look on his face that I had never seen before.Could he...?Nah.I mean...I don't love him...do I?

_"You're waiting for someone_

_To put you together _

You're waiting for someone to push you away

_There's always another wound to discover_

_There's always something more you wish he'd say."_

_ _

I mean...ever since I broke up with that one bastard, I've had tough relationships with guys.Ok.Fine.I never really had a relationship after him.I dunno.After you've been intimate with a guy for several years, you get kinda attached to him.I'm still surprised I never got pregnant after all that.I mean, one night Milly and Wolfwood and woa!

"Here."

I looked up through the rain.He was escorting me back into the shelter.He handed me a heavy-looking blanket and a cup of hot cocoa.I sat down near the fire and sipped my drink, which was a bit too hot for my taste.He just sat there staring at me.Sometimes I wish he'd just say something to me.You know, have a real conversation.

_"But you'll just sit tight_

_And watch it unwind_

_It's only what you're asking for_

And you'll be just fine

_With all of your time_

_It's only what you're waiting for."_

Nick, I got used to calling him that after we started boarding together a few moths ago.Nick gave me a sideways glance over the glass of wine he was holding in his hand.He placed down two cards and gave a puff of his cigarette.I can really tell what Milly sees in him, I mean, WOW.Vash dealt two back.They both glared at each other over the table.

"I'll raise you three," said Vash with a smile on his face.

Nick returned the favor."I'll up you four."

Vash glanced at his hand and nodded."Whatdya got?"

Nick slowly laid his cards down slowly, just for suspense."Three aces and two kings.Full house, I win."His grin spread wildly across his face as he stretched out to gain his winnings.

Vash placed his hand on Nick's."Not so fast."Vash-san downed a shot of Wild Turkey before continuing."10, Jack, Queen, King, and Ace of Hearts.Royal Flush.I

I win."

Nick's face was shocked with disbelief."But..."I could've laughed, but I didn't.Vash-san, he always has something good up his sleeve.His sharp features were accented in the dim light as wisps of smoke curled about his face.I want to tell him I love him right now.Maybe we could play poker together.No, I'm just the Insurance girl, never anything more.

_"Out of the island_

_into the highway_

_Past the places where you might have turned_

_You never did notice _

_But you still hide away_

_The anger of angels who won't return."_

"Vash, could I talk to you alone for a second?"Oh shit!Did I just say that outloud?He looked over to Nick, who nodded and walked out.

He turned to me with that smile."What's on your mind?"

What's on my mind?God, only like 505,000,000 things!!I felt like I was going to melt on the spot.I mean...it's so hard to put into words what you feel for a person.I wanted...I needed to tell him.I gathered up all my strength and said:

_"I am everything you want_

_I am everything you need_

_I am everything inside of you that you wish you could be_

_I say all the right things _

_At exactly the right time_

But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why

_Why?_

_I don't know."_

I started to shake and cry.I'm in one of those crazy emotional moods.He stood up and walked over to me.He said not one word, but stood me up as well and looked deeply into my eyes for a long time.I gazed back.Each second I was drawn further and further into them, until he began to cry.

"I'm so sorry.I never meant to hurt you."

He looked up to the sky and I knew he was asking Rem for help.I began to violently shake, for fear what was comming next.He drew me close to him an held me there as I smelled the rain of spring.Oh how I'd love to stay here forever.Then he looked once more into my eyes and gave me a soft gentle kiss on my lips, and walked away; leaving me trembling alone with the rain pattering softly on the roof and the fire crackling in the hearth.Completely alone, and I knew he had said his goodbye to me.And somehow, I just know.


End file.
